


darkness, yet the force

by minnabird



Series: fate, i found a place for us [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Gen, Knight of Ren!Ezra, Meditation, Podfic Welcome, The Force, ezra pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:56:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21587227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minnabird/pseuds/minnabird
Summary: It's the tenth anniversary of the Liberation of Lothal, and Jaden Mar, once Ezra, has a moment's peace.He reaches for a part of him usually kept buried.
Series: fate, i found a place for us [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1555858
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42





	darkness, yet the force

**Author's Note:**

> For balance. This is another little snippet in an AU thought up by @coasterchild on Twitter.

It was a strange sort of anniversary to celebrate. Back on Lothal, they’d be celebrating Liberation Day. Jaden had gone searching, the first time one of his missions brought him back into the Outer Rim, and found that his friends had kept their promise to protect Lothal. It had stayed free.

But that wasn’t what brought Jaden to the cockpit, settling silently behind the pilot droid to watch the stars. He had once had a vision of stars like these, stars without number, and felt a tug across the fabric of the universe. Heard the voice of a wise old Jedi, and felt a connection to history and knowledge much greater than he was.

On this day, it was ten years since Jaden had seen another Jedi.

Jaden closed his eyes, and settled into the cross-legged position his master had taught him. He let his mind unfurl, free of shackles and shields as it could be only when he was away from the First Order fleet. He didn’t meditate on the Light Side or on the Dark. He wasn’t ready to touch either, right now. Instead, he concentrated on feeling every breath, every heartbeat, every twitch of his muscles. The dry tickle in the back of his throat from breathing recycled air. His body: the steady anchor of his being.

He let his awareness spread. The droid was quiescent, only a soft hum of electronics as it monitored their course. The instruments sang in a lower tone, and the sublight engine was a drone under it all.

His mind brushed the crystal hidden in a compartment in his gauntlet. It resonated with the touch, answering his call with an almost animal eagerness that shimmered in the hollow of his chest. Jaden smiled. It would have been smart to get rid of this last remnant of his old lightsaber, but it reminded him what he truly was. It was a connection, a focus, serving its true purpose even without a hilt.

Darkness hung around the ship, but pinpricks of light shone through it, echoes of far-distant fires. Jaden was like the ship: cutting through black, reaching for the Light. He let that thought settle into him as he poured his mind into the kyber crystal.

He barely stifled a cry. It hurt this way every time; the Dark clung and clawed at him, reminding him of every terrible thing he’d had to allow, every death on his hands, every loss, every injustice. It inflicted every injury anew. Jaden kept his mind on the pilot star of the Light.

Even now, every time he did this meditation, the Light felt like Kanan when he finally reached it. It was warmth, strong arms, a steady place to rest. It spoke his name in a comforting rumble. It felt like _home._

 _Ezra,_ it said, wry and patient. He could almost believe he was fifteen again, trying to get a few minutes’ more sleep while Kanan waited in the doorway. _Ezra, wake up._

Jaden opened his eyes and pulled himself to his feet. He was alone again in the cockpit of his ship — alone but for a droid as devoid of personality as a hydrospanner. He grabbed onto the back of its chair, peering at the burnished silver dome of its head. It twisted its head slightly, but Jaden pulled back before its photoreceptors caught him.

A grin of relief spread across his face. The Light Side curled around him, and his eyes were blue.


End file.
